Wednesday, December 23, 2009


My few readers.. And update will happen soon! I promise!

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Thursday, December 3, 2009


Ok, so that was cheesy, but it sounded good in my head. That is exactly what I need to do. I need to breathe. I think in this season of life things can easily get overwhelming,and I can allow my self to slip into despair. It's crazy when you realize that things that you have held as truths all you life are big fat LIES!  Even things that you know are" If I am doing good things for God, He will bless me." What a load of crap! Even though I know this is a lie, my mind and the Devil still wants me to believe this. It's slightly, ok, more than slightly RIDICULOUS! That's just an example. I am learning or more so excepting  that I and quick to doubt. I use to think Thomas  ( " Doubting Thomas") was a little ridiculous even though everyone slightly thought he was cool. I am for sure having to eat those words. God has been in a place where He is inviting me into the ring, for a "dance,' if you will.. usually people call it a wrestling match. He is inviting me to wrestle with Him over the hard issues of life... the hurts,pains, hang-ups, and I gotta admit.. It's scares me to death! I was talking to Kate about this, and I think it scares me because, I know that I can't half way do this. Hulk Hogan never halfway wrestled The Giant. ( had to do a wrestling reference)It's either all or nothing, and thats not safe at all. It is VERY DANGEROUS, and some would say SUICIDAL!! But if Jesus is who I say He is.. then I have to walk this road, and its a road I have to travel myself. So I don't know what to expect,but I know that I am going to find the ANSWER...

Stay tuned for more...

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


So this is the little program that has consumed by life for the last 5 weeks. If it were a boy we would be dating, way passed the DTR for sure.  I am by no means a disciplined person, but for some reason I have become very dedicated to this program, almost obsessive. I think after I lost my job the days of nothingness got boring real fast, and I needed purpose. It's crazy because I build my days around this! Before the day starts I have to figure out meals and when Im going to work out. I'm pathetic, but I love it! I love working out again! Now don't get me wrong this is freakin' hard work, but it's so rewarding.  Anyway, don't want to bore you with that anymore. I got an opportunity to sit in on a worship service tonight, and it was amazing. I think I have taken for granted a lot of things... mainly the cross and its redemptive work in my life and the possibilities of its work in the life of the lost. I was reminded of that tonight. I was reminded that my  GOD IS MIGHTY and HE DOES SAVE! Man, what a crazy world it would be if we all ( including myself) lived in a manner that reflected that. I was convicted and encouraged all in the same setting! You gotta love that!

I am subbing tomorrow at an Elementary in Tyler for a P.E. teacher, it should be interesting since I already established the first time I subbed that I despised being in the classroom setting, but I guess its money! The things we have to do in order to! I guess I will make the best of it!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

One Step Forward..

So I've had this desire the past few days to blog, I don't know how long it will last but I will try to go with it for as long as it does...

So I went to take care of Financial Aid information at Tyler Junior College, and it was a big and when i say big, I mean BIG step for me. The thought of going back to school use to be so overwhelming, when I thought I had the world figured out there was absolutely no desire to pursue any more education. God has moved in the last almost two weeks and created a desire to learn and to be equipped to serve His people. It took about 30 minutes to get everything figured out, they are still lacking my transcript from ETBU ( which I sent last week), but I should know how much Financial Aid I will get in a few weeks. I will be able to sign up for classes in two weeks. From what I know, I think I only need 3 classes (11 hours) to satisfy the requirements, so that I can apply for Nursing school. So much is unknown I am just continuing to walk forward until He calls me a different direction. If anyone said this time of the unknown isn't scary, the lied..It is crazy scary there are so many things to be decided, but the thing I do know, and what I have continued to put my hope in is that my God is Sovereign and completely in control the situation.  I sometimes think that is cliche, but I have had to cling for dear life to the cross and that truth...

On a lighter random note, I got two new cd's from my roomie, Kati. I am listening to Norah Jones' new CD " The Fall" and it is doing my heart some good right now. It you don't have this cd, pick it up. I have also been wearing patchouli the last week, I've gotten mixed reviews from friends, but all in all I love it. If you don't know what it is, go find a hippie and ask them about it! It's good stuff!


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